QotD: Reflecting on September 11th
Sep 11, 2006
My apartment is 7 miles north of the World Trade Center. I just got out of bed when the towers were hit, and I turned on the TV right at the moment the second tower came down. At first I thought, "Hmm, an action movie early in the morning?" Then I switched channels, and every channel showed a building collapsing. That's when I got scared. Then I went online and figured out what happend.
I thought maybe I might die, since no one was sure if there wasn't also a bio-chemical attack. (Although the wind was blowing toward Brooklyn...) I debated if I should try to swim across the Hudson to New Jersey, but like that was going to happen. I thought maybe I could join the exodus to the Bronx, but then what? My grandma finally got through to me on the phone and told me to stock up on food and water. I didn't want to tell her that if it was a nuclear attack it would really be useless.
I ended up spending the entire day sitting on my bed, watching the TV screen. Rudolph Giuliani, not President Bush, was the first leader to really take charge of the situation. I still remember that pink ribbed wall behind him as he gave moment by moment instructions to the city via the press at an undisclosed location.
Later in that day the air started to smell different, and the sky got dusty. But much of it was really a blur... I did remember thinking, at least I can go give blood. But then the Red Cross announced that they already have people lined up around the blocks and they didn't want people who have traveled to Third World Countries recently due to possible infections.
The weirdest was the next day, walking around New York. I remember a teacher once told me that when JFK was shot, people wondered the streets aimlessly, stunned. It was just like that, like walking under water. Then occasionally you would hear the fighter jets zooming across the sky. It was surreal.
I spent this morning at an institution that was a first responder to the casualties at Ground Zero. Everyone said that the most haunting experience was working with all the relatives searching for lost loved ones in Ground Zero. In the months followed there were posters and flyers all over the city. The 9/11 experience wasn't just that day, it really was the rest of that entire year.
By the way, contrary to my grandmother's predictions, there was no loss of water, electricity, and no shortage of food in New York after the attack. This is America, this is New York, and the infrastructure held up. The Black Out was another issue. But the city held up.
Binge Writing: How College Screws You Over
Sep 14, 2006
When I finished doing time as a temporary paying object at the UofC, I thought I was one of the few lucky ones that was able to escape the residual effects of reinstitutionalization. I did not hold the human race in bitter contempt, I wasn't left to pick up the pieces of a shattered ego, and I didn't develop one of those arrested development style - I am an unloved genius trapped in the loony bin - complexes. No. Aside from lack of social skills and an unhealthy idealistic naiveté, I thought I was just fine.
But now as I struggle to write my dissertation, certain behaviors ritualized and internalized in those years have really come back to haunt me. I have painfully came to recognize how difficult it is to really free yourself from the imprints of your past.
What behavior am I talking about here? Chronic Binge Writing Disorder, a type of post-college bipolar traumatic stress syndrome.
Based on a series of participant-observer case studies by yours truly, Chronic Binge Writing Disorder is characterized by a cycle consisting of 5 stages, identified by the acronym DREAD:
1. Deadline - A deadline is established where a difficult task needs to be accomplished,
2. Readiness - Must research every single reference ever written on the subject. There is ALWAYS one more book to get before you begin,
3. Escape - Extensive period of procrastination & avoidance, usually accompanied by dread & self hatred,
4. Adrenaline - Euphoria achieved by an intense but short period of crisis management and productivity,
5. Depression - High wears off, sinks to a manic depressive state due to mental & physical exhaustion.
So basically, when suffering from Binge Writing Disorder, your life oscillates between deep depression and extreme elation. Completely out of control. You never know what you might do to yourself when you are at your lowest, and it takes a toll not only on your self perception, but body as well.
Honestly, Binge Writing Disorder is totally manageable in certain cases. I still remember one quarter during my junior year, it was finals week and I had an important paper due for Game Theory class. Our grade was going to be based entirely on this paper. What did I do? The night before it was due, I went out partying with a bunch of my friends (couldn't miss it, it was a farewell party), came home at 3am, started writing at 4am, finished at 5pm the next day, and got an "A" in the class.
Yeah, when you are young, doing those 15-20 page papers through the process of binge writing is totally doable. But now, as I am trying to write my 300+ page dissertation, it is turning into a total, absolute, complete nightmare.
NOVA: E=mc^2
Sep 23, 2006
Yeah, so we know Einstein was a player. But can an equation be sexy? Last night (or this morning) I watched the PBS/NOVA special on Einstein's E=mc^2 titled Einstein's Big Idea. It is a historical documentary on the scientific milestones that laid the foundation for Einstein's derivation of E=mc^2.
The special takes a path dependent approach to understanding the famous equation - what does it stand for, how did it come about, why then, and its impacts. The historical background is pretty obvious, most people who have taken a good Physics course know the history. But what really struck me was the QUALITY of the documentary, both in its sophisticated narrative structure as well as its smart and contemporary style of storytelling. If I ever have children this is exactly what I would want them to watch in the classrooms. Bravo PBS and NOVA, bravo!
Man, the DVD cover is really ugly, which is ironic consider how "sexy" the content of the documentary is. I tried to count the number of sexual innuendos but lost count half way through. The documentary was very instructive on an educational level, but also tantalizing and engaging for an older audience. Yeah, there were a few cheesy moments and a few things could be tweaked, but they were a good laugh and I am very impressed.
Things I particularily enjoyed:
* Shrewed account of the dynamics of the creative enironments. Anyone who knows the truth behind the genius myth knows how important this is, yet this is a gray area with lots of production discretion. Great job.
* Gossip factor. Yes, it can be done with style. Read New York magazine.
* Cognizance of gender and racial accountability. There is a huge difference between being PC and being intelligent. This is the latter.
I just LOVE the works of smart people. Makes life so much more interesting.
Manon. Creepy.... totally creepy....
Jun 24, 2006
I am so glad that I decided to see "Manon" at the American Ballet Theater on Friday night with Diana Vishneva and Vladimir Malakhov. Of course the man of the hour is Julio Bocca, but I had to attend my sister's duet concert on his dates. Well, the performance Friday night was beautiful and powerful nevertheless.
Based on the book Manon Lescaut, the story is about the self-degradation of the beautiful girl Manon. I could go into details, but the story (Kenneth MacMillan's ballet version) basically went: innocence, materialism, betrayal, objectification & defilment, murder, rape, and death. Many consider her an unsympathetic heroine, because she is the agent of her own ill-fate. But honestly, she is but a product of her time, as signalled by the extreme poverty and corruption all around her.
Certainly telling that both the ABT as well as the Royal Ballet in Boston are doing revivals of "Manon" this season. The NYT in their typical nose fanning way credited the ABT with a better production, but honestly I have yet to see a perfect production by the ABT, one where EVERYTHING works together - no off tune violin solos, no tripping ballerinas, aiya!!
One interesting point, apparently the infamous rape scene in Act III was even MORE violent and brutal in the Royal Ballet's production. Man, I thought the ABT was already quite graphic in the jailer's rape of Manon... I am not typically a prude, but I wasn't exactly prepared to see oral sex acted out in the middle of the Metropolitan Opera House. And that scene where he sat on top of her with her long, long leg raised beneath him to symbolize his (length?). Okay I really really did NOT needed to see that!!!
By the way, the most powerful scene was suprisingly NOT in Act III, but in Act II, the Objectification of Manon. Who knew classical ballet can express the tragedy of this profound modern concept with so much depth and understanding. Absolutely amazing.
The ABT has always had a penchant for drama, and wow they have met their match in Manon. Man, I felt kinda visually assaulted by the 3rd Act I was a bit stunned to fully appreciate the absolutely breathtaking pas de deux in the final scene. At least in Swan Lake my jaw dropped IN the final scene; the "What the f***??" was aptly silenced by applauses.
What baffles me are the mothers who brought their little 10 yrs old ballerina wannabies. Real sick. The production has been in existence for 30 some years. Anyone with half a brain knows that this ain't no Giselle. Way to screw them over while they are young.
BDay Wkend Part 5.2, FINALE!!!!
Mar 28, 2006
MONDAY:
* OMG this is the reason I cannot chastise my friend for not waking up early. We were suppose to go to Jean Georges again for lunch, and our reservation was first made at 12:45. I woke up AT 12:30 and I just could NOT roll out of bed!!!! Called them to reschedule lunch to 1:45. Went back to bed. Next, woke up at 1:30!!!!! AND I was still having a really hard time getting up. Ugh. I originally wanted to do my friend's make-up, but forget it.... I barely could get any colors on my face.
* While on the Subway we made up this whole story.... we were going to pretend that we had a meeting with our subcontractors and they were just too incompetent!! That's why our meeting went way over time and we were late to the restuarant, ha ha:)
* Good thing Jean Georges was not too busy. They had these folded gardinias in the hallway pond that were very aromatic. Kind of reminded us of the folded lotus flowers at restaurants in Saigon. The food was WONDERFUL as usual. They didn't change their menu from last Friday though.... CHEATERS!!!
* Did Karaoke AGAIN. I think three hours is really pushing our limit.... Okay I'm not going to say more, too embarassing... But my friend has a great voice for rock songs. She should consider it as an alternate profession.
* Went to see Failure to Launch. Okay at first we were going to go see the Hills have Eyes. I have to admit I did not want to see a bunch of hillbillies on my birthday. At least Sarah Jessica Parker had good cruise-worthy clothes. Man, this is not a date movie. It's a pure chick movie. There was like 3 men in the entire theatre. But it was cute. I've always thought Matthew McConaughey is greasy, but he was very charming in this movie. I think it could have been much darker, though. But it had good laughs.
* Had birthday cake at Cafe Mozart. Man, humans really are habitual animals. We tend to do the same thing and go to the same places. But hey it's my BIRTHDAY so I can do whatever I want!! Plus last time we went to Spice Market and Lotus... was it that much more exciting?? Not really.
Okay so here are my goals for the coming decade. By the time I am 40, I would like to have accomplished the following things:
1. Finish my doctorate degree.
2. Be at my optimum weight.
3. Have a steady and well-paying career that is also fulfilling and interesting.
4. Be married.
5. Have a child (or two).
Not that hard, right?? I can do this!!!
BDay Weekend, Part 5.1 antepenult
Mar 27, 2006
Okay I HAVE to finish blogging my BDay weekend, or else it's never going to end.
SUNDAY:
* Had Birthday Brunch at Alice's Tea Cup with friends, my sister, and her hubby. My custom made cake was so good! It's amazing that they made the cake so chocolaty, but not too sweet. I desperately tried toblow out all three candles in one breath. For a sec worried that it was a trick candle. Alas, I succeeded. I wished that I will achieve all my goals that I set out to accomplish.
* One of my friends had to return to home (to get ready for work on Monday), so we went home and rested. Ha ha ha, after all that carbs we were just a bunch of lazy bums, so actually we just stayed in my apartment all night.
* A friend from the Bronx came over, so we had cake and looked reminiced over old college photos. Also did Tarot readings for fun.
* Ordered Thai from Lime Leaf. Hmmm, they used to have GREAT curry and pad thai... the food was so so this time. At least they give you a big bag of shrimp chips with peanut dip.
* Much to the protest of the Bronx girl, we watched Dawn of the Dead. For a Bronx girl who is registered as a human weapon in NYC, you'd think she'd be all over the blood and gore! Com'on it's the BRONX!! Actually Dawn of the Dead wasn't very scary nor gory at all... kind of lame actually. The BEST part was the chronological newscast in the Special Features section. The movie is a hypothesis on what happens when a highly contagious virus is released in the population (think Avian Flu, SARS, or any biological weapon). THAT was the scariest part. To watch it spread so quickly, the population being so helpless.
* Next we watched The Cave. I actually really like that movie. Not just because Eddie Cibrian is in it. I first saw it as a free screening in the big Loews E-Walk Theater at Time Square. Of course we were with hundreds and hundreds of young kids. SO it was just like a high school assembly!! Participation and nostalgia is a great combination. I am now kicking myself for skipping out on the Interactive Theater on 53rd Street when I was at the UofC. At Loews I sat next to this tall, muscular African American who was also flaming gay. He was screaming the whole time and it was halarious. I even had to comfort him at some part of the movie.
NEXT the MONDAY!!!
BDay Wkend P4: Saturday
Mar 26, 2006
My GOD the ducks in the pond in the park behind my apartment are REALLY loud tonight. And I'm on the 17th floor!! I wonder if they are mating...
Anyways since I am up I might as well work on the documentation of my 30th Birthday Weekend some more. Yes, 30. It is hitting hard. But I am a masochist, so it is also oddly exciting in a way.
So SATURDAY:
* Wow it took my friend a long time to wake up from the couch!! I would make fun of her, but then after what happened on Monday I think it is actually a trait of our friendship.
* Breakfast a Beard Papas in the afternoon! I got kind of Beard Papa'ed out two years ago when I was in China and bought one of the 6 in the box specials. The cream puffs are really light and small, so I was like, oh what the hell. Then I almost died after the 4th one. So I said NEVER AGAIN!! But I have to say I was excited when I saw the chain coming to New York last year. Japanese capitalism is so fascinating. They always invent the cutest and most innovative consumer products!! When I was in Tokyo I LOVED the strawberry ice mixed with milk that you can get at the Japanese donut chain--- man what was that place called?? it's everywhere in Asia... Totally shabu style, you get the strawberry ice, the milk, and you mix them yourself! - - Oh so while downing a cream puff I accidentally snorted the coca powder. NOT FUN. I don't think I'd make it as a druggie.
* Breakfast immediately followed by lunch. At first we wanted to do yakitori, but damn all the cute Japanese restaurants were closed. I wanted to say there is also an okonomiaki place around the area, but I bet they were closed also. I just love saying the word okonomiaki - I'm probably totally spelling it wrong. So instead we went to SEA, a Thai restaurant nearby. GREAT FOOD. That place is always really really good. Honestly the best green papaya salad outside of Saigon I've tried. There are so many good thai/se asian restaurants I don't see the hype for Spice Market at all. Other than a great decor and atmosphere, I thought the food at Spice Market wasn't that special. In fact i would choose Kittichai over Spice Market any day.
* Of course nothing beats an afternoon spent in Kareoke!!! I can't believe the attendant gave us a totally sound proof room while you can hear this terrible guy in the hallways from another. We were SO GOOD!! Oh GOD we are so asian.... Why do we enjoy kareoke so much?? What is it that is so fun?? Is this an expression of a deeper desire in my psyche?? I really need to ponder this...
* Then picked up a friend from Penn Station and went for KOREAN, ha ha ha:) Went to the Mandoo Bar in Koreatown. It's really too bad that they took the Duk Gook out of the menu, I think they have one of the best Duk Mandoo Gooks in Koreatown.
* Went home so my friend can drop off her stuff at my place. Contemplated how we can be ditched by another friend of ours. I'm telling you, if this is the UofC she would have totally just sucked it up instead of going home after feeling annoyed about us singing kareoke!! I guess we all have our bad days.
* Went to see V for Vendetta. Wow the 1812 overture is AMAZING. Hugo Weaving is awesome in his faceless performance. Very daring movie, very W. Brothers. Natalie Portman is so tiny, though, it looked slightly out of proportion. But it was a great movie. Not earth shattering as the Matrix, but nevertheless very entertaining.
* Ugh if you think our day is over, next we went for dessert at Cafe Mozart. So glad they open till 2:30am. Oh I love talking with my friends. We have known each other for more than 10 years yet we never run out of things to talk about and laugh over. I love you all!!!
* Hmmm... I"m pretty sure afterwards we went home and went to bed. I have to say my memories are a bit hazy at that point. I'm pretty sure.
Yay another great day for my birthday celebration!! Life is so exciting and so much fun!!!
Iconoclasm & Themed Restaurants: BDay Wkend P3
Mar 25, 2006
So back to Birthday Weekend, ha ha:) I know it's so weird to blog about the past. But that's my life for you! I'm ALWAYS behind!! Even in blogging!!!
So for my Birthday Weekend, I forgot to talk about Thursday night. We went to Hard Rock Cafe in Time Square!!!! My friends are so wonderful and understanding that they totally indulge me in my fascination for themed restaurants. One of my favorite themed restaurants in New York is Mars 2112. It's exactly as New York Mag described, a sci-fi b-movie set. AWESOME!!! But we have our sights set at Ninja. Think Bruce Wayne's Tibetan Ninja experience from Batman Begin, complete with a bunch of white people, and you are ready for a meal at Ninja!! There is no reason to question the reality of white ninjas training in Tibet when you can JOIN them!!!
I have to say, though, that Hard Rock Cafe was kind of lame. The food was bad, the desserts were okay, but it was nice that we sat in the Madonna section. Her lace & leather S/M outfit was very nice. Makes me totally lust after theigh-high boots. But it just wasn't fun as the old days when the Paramount was the WWF themed restaurant complete with a wrestling ring and arena in the middle of the restaurant. Now that was cool!!!
Themed restaurants are the most American of all places, ha ha ha, need I explain?? There are a lot of problems with the current administration, but as an immigrant, I can testify that America is still the best place to be in the world. So what do I do to demonstrate my patriotism?? Eat at themed restaurants!! When we were in Shanghai, where do we go when we just couldn't take it anymore?? STARBUCKS!!!! When you think of all american, what else gives you the most joy but themed restaurants and corporate brands? Yes they are gawdy and stink of capitalistic bourgeoise, but in their artificial and superficial way they are also a unique and fascinating social product of the US Empire.
The Hard Rock Cafe is exactly as it should be. Huge, manufactured, managed, gawdy, and crude. It's the best and worst of our culture, all reproduced and centralized in one location. For one of the largest restaurant in New York, it is managed to a T. We got a ticket from the waiting station, were told an exact amount of time for waiting, watched a well organized seating priority list on a flat screen TV, and just followed the production line when our name showed up indicating our table was ready. Totally touristy, totally bourgeoise. A truely masochisticly arousing experience for an anti-anarchistic iconoclast. Viva America!!
Birthday Weekend Part II
Mar 24, 2006
Time goes by WAY too fast, whether you are having fun or notImage. So again this past weekend was my birthday (YAY!) and all my best friends came to celebrate with me. I am SO SO LUCKY to have such great friends!!!
Here is a record of our activities for the past weekend:
Friday:
* Lunch at Jean Georges Cafe: AMAZING food and service for such a reasonable prix fix. Definitly a hidden gem in NYC. The ginger/lemon herbal drink was not exactly what I bargained for, though. TOO FRESH!! I didn't know ginger is so spicy...
* Shoe shopping on 8th Street. This was totally RANDOM. We got out of the N/R and just walked in. Ha ha ha, got to start collecting cruise clothing for my Alaska Cruise!! (Of course today there was just a fire on the Star Princess.... I think my boat is the Diamond Princess.... ugh... and the Poseiden Adv is coming out soon, too..... ) Got a georgious pair of silver sandals, yay!
* Hair Appointments at Little Hair Shoppe. Another great NYC hidaway. Now who knew my hair can look like Marilyn Monroe's?? This is weird, but I was a bit disappointed because the hair was TOO beautiful on me *sigh*, it was more suited for some glamerous glitzy black tie event, art deco style. Seriously to pull it off I would need a black satin gown and white satin long gloves. Thank god I had my Chanel red lipstick with me.
* Shopping in Chinatown:) I couldn't believe how cold it was, though. FREEZING. And I can't believe I got influenced into buying a big shoulder bag. Man I traveled through China for 3 months with a small 8x10 street bag, what is this big bag trend anyways?? Ugh, I have to confess the bag looks good on me. Maybe I shall return and get some more??? Also the little individually wrapped hotcakes were awesome. Yes, I will go back to Chinatown for those little goodies, and shop for bags since I am there anyways....
* Dinner at Shabu shabu!! I know, totally non sequitor after the Marilyn Monroe hair. But I LOVE shabu shabu!! Also kind of wierd going from a 3 Michelin Star world-renouned restaurant to shabu shabu in one day. But that's TOTALLY New York!
Well, so afterwards we were originally going to go see the Hills have Eyes. But of course I was behind on everything, so we went home so I can do some grading. Oh my friends were so understanding and so thoughtful (and very able to sleep if I might add....). But Friday was just the beginning of our weekend of drunken debauchery but with sobriety!!
Birthday Weekend 2006, Part I
Mar 23, 2006
Oh my GOD I partied way too much this weekend!! I can totally tell because my face is round again, I'm kind of afraid to step on the scale. Ugh, time to start dieting BIG TIME.
This was one of my best birthdays EVER!! You'd think since my birthday is ALWAYS in Spring Break, it would be a major party time. But no, I think it's always been relatively tame. I'm glad I am born when I am born, though. Kind of a weird thought, since no one has a choice. But I was born on the cusp of Pisces and Aries, which makes horoscope readings interesting, as well as the first day of Spring. The latter is a plus since I often feel like my year really starts in March, with the seasons. If one sees the end of the calendar year as a deadline, then a March birthday kind of gives you an extension!! Since my entire life can be summed up as *being behind & constantly catching up*, a little slack is greatly appreciated.
So YAY! Anotheryear! Now I can REALLY put those new year resolutions in motion.
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